tuzanna

I saw the weird puddle in the middle of my floor. I walked past it many times. I thought little of it. Eventually, I cleaned it up. The next morning, it came back. It was there, in the exact same spot. I cleaned it again. Then, I cleaned it again. It came back. I would watch the ceiling for hours to find out where it came from, but nothing happened while I was watching. It turned out, it was coming up from the floorboards.

I couldn't bring myself to tear the floor up. I never wanted to see what was underneath.

I simply cleaned it before guests came over. It would reform when they left. They passed by it, not suspecting a thing. They sat merrily mere feet from the spot. I would watch, tense, willing the spot never to appear when they could see.

Please, just don't come back. Don't come back at all. I can't stand it anymore.

GOT7'S YOUNGJAE IS MY ULTIMATE BIAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just wanted to get that on the record somewhere.

I love Penguin so much.

Everyone around me is always fighting. There is constantly tension in the air. We are all forced to be there; I don't understand the point of all the hatred and the whispering and the passive aggressive treatment. Yes, we can't all get our way and things don't even go the way I want sometimes, but this is becoming fairly constant. I already have a lot of pressure on me and I try to treat everyone fairly despite being told I shouldn't or that I don't have to, but fairness and equality are important to me. No, I don't like everyone. No, not everyone gets the same treatment because not everyone works as hard or as well. But I'm doing my best and I try to make working an enjoyable experience for everyone, and it just seems like no one appreciates how hard I try for them, and for everyone.

I would like to think we have these problems because everyone around me is very young. But I doubt it. I don't know any really "adult" adults in my life. Everyone has seemed to fail to grow up, and their children and future children suffer from it. Maybe the world is going to shit, or maybe the culture in my small sample size is just ugly. I just wish I could think better of the young people I spend time with.

Side note: Alcohol is a BIG problem with these kids. Marijuana is a bit of a problem, too, but it doesn't seem as widespread, and it doesn't seem to make people behave quite as badly (probably because it is less socially and legally accepted). I'm really glad I quit drinking a long time ago because it really grosses me out. It doesn't bother me if they have a decent control on their drinking habits, but I know several of them have ACTUAL addiction problems.

I feel

anxiousness

unfairness

annoyance, hatred, fear

tired, uselessness

wanting to abandon all my plans,

and wanting to have our family.

It can't all be perfect, but... I want it to be so badly.

I am too tired for work. I am tired inside. I am hating inside. I am a victim inside. I hate all of them inside. I feel alone and alienated by people who love to see me. My world doesn't make sense.

I want that baby so badly. I want it to be perfect.

I love him so so much. I don't care what happens because he will be there for me.

It will be okay.

I have so many fun things to do and hardly any time to do them. Maybe I'll just sleep my free time away instead.

He was holding her, up above the water, with a gun to her head as her family watched helplessly. She started to gasp. If they made a move, he could shoot her in the head and kill her instantly. If they didn't, she could suffocate above the water, her gills opening and closing desperately just for a tiny amount of oxygen. Her makeshift lungs were giving out and her instincts were kicking in. She tried to flail but he was much bigger, and much stronger than her. I couldn't stand the look on her face, so I closed my eyes. People were screaming and arguing, but I couldn't remember any of the words. All I knew was that I didn't want to hear it anymore. So I shoved my head under the water and let it rush into my ears, blocking out the horrors above.

Among his people, feelings, thoughts, and even complex emotions are easily conveyed and easily read by others. This made it hard to have a normal human conversation about feelings with him; he always seemed like he knew what I was feeling, and always had a solution that suited someone from his tribe, but not me. The same solutions he would use on his bride-to-be wouldn't work on me. We just weren't the same. He tried, but it was frustrating for both of us when his attempts to console me didn't work, and even more frustrating when he couldn't think outside the box and come up with another solution. His tribe worked almost like a hivemind, and I simply wasn't a part of it.

I will write something sooooooooooooooooooooooon!!!!!!!!!!!!!! alkdjsfkla;sdjfkl;ajsdklfajsdk;lfja;skldjfklds

I had the chance now, to go back in time, to kill him before any of it even began.

I looked at the young mother, holding her baby with a loving gaze, unaware that any misfortune could come to the permanently bonded pair. She held her infant to her breast and smiled. My heart sunk. Is it possible for fate to be wrong?

I turned away from the window and stared down at the ground. I had been sent back to the middle of a beautiful spring day. The grass at my bare feet was dried by the sun, no trace of the chilling morning dew. The clothes I had haphazardly gathered on my way here were mere shreds of fabric, but even in a tank top and short skirt, with no socks or shoes, I was still comfortably embraced by the warm breeze. A ladybug crawled across my toes. I didn't feel anything like an assassin in my current state, but an assassin I was. My buzzed hair and tattooed arms were proof of my involvement in the resistance. However, with the world looking so beautiful and peaceful, I almost wanted to throw away my mission and let it be.

But that baby would grow up to kill my family, and along with it, millions of other innocent people. Thousands of other babies would die. Families would be broken apart. People would be tortured. Murder. Genocide. Countless crimes against humanity. The entire world would be thrown into a state of war and chaos.

It just hadn't happened yet. At this time, the only proof of what was to come... was me and my foggy memories.